You never know until it's gone
by karirin
Summary: today was his day to say goodbye, there was nothing keeping him here after all and even if there would still be unfinished matters he could do little to solve them now.


disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (if i did i wouldn't be writting about it )

This is my first story on Naruto and i hope i didn't make the characters to ooc ...

warning!!! character death !!!

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**You never know until it's gone **

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'Another beautiful day.' A lonely figure thought while standing guard over the village he protected all of his life. A sad smile slowly appeared upon his face while he watched the sleepy village awaken and prepare for the new day.

He took in every little detail, the way shop owners arranged their merchandise for their future customers, how children unwillingly obeyed their parents and got ready for school every little detail he wanted it burned inside his memory so that he wouldn't forget. He always enjoyed his morning walks, even if the villagers were still cruel to him, he couldn't find it in his heart to truly hate them. There were times when he wished he could hate them but he knew that he couldn't, not when he knew what they were going through, not when it took him almost ten years to forgive himself for something he had never one.

Yes there were times when he hated himself, when he thought of himself as the monster, the Kyubi and not as Naruto. It was mostly around the holydays or his parents' birthday. even if his mind told him it was stupid he couldn't help but feel the slightest twinge of guilt at the thought of his parents sacrificing their life for him. His mother gave her life so that he could be born while his father sacrificed himself so that he could have a future.

Naruto never blamed them for any of the things that happened, not even once. He was grateful because even when everyone around him told him that he wasn't worth a thing that he was a monster that didn't deserve something as precious as love he knew that there had been two people that loved him so much they gave up their own futures for his sake. So Naruto decided to live life at its fullest for them, so that their sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

With that resolution he survived, whenever the times were too hard and he could feel the tears brimming up he would take a deep breath and smile, for that was all that he could do.

But today was not the time to think of that, today was his day to say goodbye. There was nothing keeping him here after all and even if there would still be unfinished matters he could do little to solve them in his current condition. He was too weak and his time was growing shorter and shorter by the minute. All he could do now was look around and try to keep the memory of everyone inside of him even after death.

The sun was already at his highest and his walk was almost over. He was near the forest he loved so much. Naruto couldn't say exactly what he felt as he sat down under the shade of an old tree. True enough his body was filled with pain, but physical pain he could handle he was used to it. I guess one could say he felt a bit sad after all even today on his last day the villagers kept treating him like an outcast, but overall he felt calm, relieved that this long journey was finally at its end.

'I shouldn't expect them to act any different after all for them there is no meaning to this day, it's just another day like all others. Routine is hard to break so of course without a major disturbance they will all act according to their role.'

And so they did.

The old lady that sold flowers in front of his apartment sent him a glare an a muffled insult just like any other day, the whispers and glares the small pushes and kicks were also present but he was so used to them that he would have felt as if something was missing if they would have acted differently.

'Hm... the weather's really nice today… So warm and sunny. I wonder if they'll miss me. Who knows? But it's okay to go now ne papa?'

The young man asked while turning his face towards the trees crown. There was no one there but his eyes told him otherwise. Those eyes that were once as clear as the sky vibrant and so full of life were now but a faded coppy of what used to be. And yet they looked around almost frenzied until they finally seemed to find what it was they were seeking.

Naruto looked at the man standing on the tree stump in front of him, a smile of recognition lighting his face. It was not the first time to see him so he was no longer scared, but today unlike all those other days he knew this man wouldn't go away.

'It's okay to go now ne papa?' he asked again. 'It's ok since I've kept my promise, they're ok now, they don't need me anymore.'

A sad smile was on the strangers face, although to Naruto he was no stranger and if the rest of Konoha could see him they to would recognize him as the fourth hokage, the one that saved them. But to Naruto he was known as papa.

Arashi was sad to see his sons life slip away but looking at the man in front of him he also felt relief, relief at the thought that his son would no longer be hurt again. Arashi slowly walked to him and laid next to Naruto, they were so much alike, not just in appearance but personality as well. He wrapped a hand around the child -for him Naruto would forever be a child- and whispered slowly "you did well Naru chan, now rest I'll be here when you wake up."

And Naruto listened for he suddenly felt so very tired, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

It was sunset when they found him. His team mates the ones that cared about him enough to worry but not to search for answers, he was still standing under the old tree his face relaxed as if he was sleeping and for all they knew he was. Sasuke was the first to try and wake him up only to get no response. When yelling did nothing he tried shaking the blond awake but to no avail. With a foreboding feeling he tried to get a pulse there was none, yet he couldn't accept it the idiot was just fooling around playing a prank.

"Wake up you moron!!! Wake up" he yelled time and time again.

"You win you scared me now wake up this isn't funny anymore" but there was no response. No loud laughter to fill the silence not on move.

"Sasuke..."Kakashi tried to console his student.

"He can't be dead. wasn't he supposed to be hokage... who's gonna take care of the village now dobe huh are you going to just let it fall apart?" a hand on his shoulder stopped him from shaking the blond any more but he couldn't let go not yet so he did the next best thing, he gathered him up in his arms and started walking towards the hokage tower. Tsunade had a right to know.

On his way to the tower he drew a lot of attention and this time not to himself but the man in his arms. No one seemed to be able to wrap their minds around the notion of Naruto dead.

When he was finally in front of Tsunade her words were definitely not what he expected. He expected grief and pain but why was there guilt present as well?

"Oh God! What have I done! I never should have told him … but he seemed fine, happy almost"

"What are you talking about?" no, Tsunade did not just imply that Naruto committed suicide there was no way in hell that could happen.

"Last week I told him that the council has chosen the new apprentice hokage."

"So... he should have been happy right, his dream was coming true?"

"You don't understand Uchiha, the next hokage won't be Naruto... it's you"

"What the hell are you talking about? I didn't even know"

"Kakashi was supposed to tell you today, I only wanted to protect him from the pain but..." she could no longer form words tears streaming down her face and chocked sobs raking her body. She would just mumble from time to time "my fault all my fault"

Unknown to them quite a crowd gathered all shocked at the news. From them one approached the crying woman with a kind yet sad face.

"It was not your fault Tsunade sama, Naruto just didn't have any more time left that's all. Here he gave me this to give to you today. He said you would need it I guess he was right." a letter fell in her hands that shook too much to open it so another did. It was Neji.

_"My dear friends,_

_If you are reading this it means you have already found me, please don't be sad, and don't feel guilt. It wasn't something you could have stopped. _

_Ttsunade baba stop crying you're making a spectacle of yourself and scaring the kids :p it wasn't your fault either. I did not kill myself but died a natural death. The man that handed you this letter is a doctor so he can explain it a lot better then me."_

"What does he mean..." Neji asked the man suddenly.

"I know that almost all if not everyone here knows that he had kyubi inside of him sealed…"

"Yes it became quite obvious at the exams, but what does that have to do with it, except for being a great asset and healing his wounds faster then anyone's I see nothing wrong with it"

"There are a lot of things wrong with it the biggest being the damage it does to ones body once used."

"You see the more he used the more strain he would put on his body. Now maybe he would have survived the past couple of uses and could even use it but only a bit, but the quantity that he used in the war against Orochimaru caused him too much damage to ever heal. His body was literally shutting down. And today was his last day."

_"Now that the good doctor explained everything don't start with the guilt again. All I did was out of my own free will. And also to keep a promise I made to keep the people here safe._

_Ba chan you saw me looking happy it was because this village will finally be ok and I can rest. Don't worry teme you'll do a great job and Sakura and Neji will be there to back you up. You're not alone Sasuke so stop trying to take the weight of the world on your shoulders._

_Sakura watch over him ok and I'm sorry I won't be at your wedding with lee._

_Neji remember that we all make our own future it's our actions and thoughts that decide that future. Nothing is set in stone so everything can be changed. Believe in yourself andd your loved ones and you'll se that everything will be ok._

_Iruka sensei I guess this is the last time I can call you that huh. Now don't you start crying too remember what you've told me: 'No one is ever truly gone as long as you keep them in your heart' I have a lot to thank you for sensei. You were my friend teacher and mentor. Thank you, for the support you've given me (not to mention the ramen :P)_

_There are many things I would still like to say to a lot of persons. Please don't be mad at me for not saying them but I'm afraid there is no more time left. "_

And with that it ended. No one knew what to say, they just stared at the boy lying on the sofa looking as though he was having the most peaceful dream. What could you say when the one constant in your life disappeared?

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. Naruto was supposed to become hokage realize his dream like he always did, he was supposed to be the cheerful bumbling fool that no matter what made everyone around him smile, made everyone feel better.

But he was gone and all they could do was stare.

The funeral was a quiet affair, only Tsunade Iruka rookie 9 along with their teachers and Neji and Lee were there to see him on his last journey. The villagers were somewhat happy that he finally passed away though they knew better then to show it when some of his friends were around.

They never thought they would regret him. And yet a week after the funeral the village was considerably quieter. There was always something missing, something not quite right. And soon they realized what it was. NARUTO.

But it was too late…

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well that's it. did you like it? 


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